I am a Rainbow Baby who is Carrying my Rainbow Baby

I have mentioned being a rainbow baby but I never knew when I would carry my own. I also have not got a chance to share more about it. Here is my mother’s and I story. 

My mother lost her second daughter at birth who was premature. She went through significant trauma but years ago, there was such a stigma around topics of loss. My mom is Nigerian and within the African culture, you do not discuss personal struggles. She had her daughter here in America but never got to see her face, never gave her a name or even remembers when she was delivered. Everything was blocked out. 

My mother had to hide her pain and became numb. She then told me of the story when I was in middle school.

When I learned about my sister before me, I cried as a young girl. I wondered what would have been. I always mention her. At times I would feel so sad she didn’t get to make it here on earth. 

Now fast forward to 2020 when I experienced the loss of my babygirl, I then realized I am experiencing the same pain as my mother did. I never in a million years thought this would happen to me. It connected my mother and I even deeper because she started to process her trauma through mine. 

My mom constantly reminded me that I am a rainbow baby and I will have mine. At first that statement didn’t always sit well with me because infertility makes you wonder if you will even have a child.

As time went on, I held on to this statement as hope that one day just one day I will carry my rainbow baby. 

It feels good to say that I am. I also conceived almost the same amount of my months my mother did with me after losing her daughter. 

My mom did not get to fully heal or understand it was okay to grieve. I have the opportunity to share my story and encourage others.

To me this is powerful and holds a special place in my heart. I am holding on to hope and faith in the midst of anxiety & fear. I will pray that I can hold my rainbow baby. 

~Jasmine Simmons Pregnancy After Loss Support