The Unexpected Marathon

I’ve been told a lot by friends that they wish they could help and know they don’t understand the struggle I’ve been on, so I tried writing a little analogy to see if it would help explain this marathon many people face with infertility and loss. It’s true you really can’t understand fully until you experience it, but I always appreciate the outreach.

Imagine you start to run a race with 8 couples in your circle of friends. The catch is that no one has the same finish line and no one knows when their finish line will arrive. You all start in hopes your race isn’t too long.

For some friends they run for 5 minutes and they cross their finish line. Some run for 10 miles and are pretty tired but grateful they made it. Others have a harder time and have to run 26 miles and finish a marathon.

That one couple? The 1 in 8? They have run through 2 finish lines thinking for a brief moment they made it, but suddenly their names crossed off and they have to keep running. They’re past mile 26 exhausted as hell but don’t know when their finish line is. Each mile they pass they think maybe this is finally it, but are told no not yet keep running. A trainer tries to help and gives them new sneakers, some electrolytes, a boost to hope it helps them finish, but there’s no guarantee any of this will make their finish line closer.

Their friends don’t know what to say so they tell them hey don’t lose hope, Kyle and Erin had to run 4 marathons but they finally finished. The couple still running immediately feels scared that they have 3 more marathons to run until they finish. What if it’s more? What are they missing out on while they run and all their friends have finished ages ago? Or hey guys, Steve and Kelly decided to stop trying to run so hard to finish, and suddenly their finish line came out of nowhere! The couple thinks, but if we stop running what if the finish line is STILL 10 miles out and we are just delaying our finish?

This is infertility, the unexpected marathon, with an unpredictable finish line.

If you’re still waiting to find that finish line, I’m cheering you on always. I hope each and every one of you (and myself) cross the finish line ASAP.

~Alyssa Kohut