The Face of a NICU Mama
Originally published on Carter's Cause
You see a gentle smile of a mama holding her preemie.
The face you see doesn’t tell her story.
Behind that smile is a mama who is fighting back tears.
Behind that smile is a mama who is so grateful, yet so fearful.
Behind that smile is a mama finding joy to soak up every second before fear creeps in knowing things can change in an instant.
Behind that smile is a mama who needs hope and reminded to keep hope when it gets lost in the darkness.
Behind that smile is a mama who needs help, but doesn't know what help looks like because of the unexpected and unplanned arrival of her baby.
Behind that smile is a mama who feels guilty for her baby being born early.
Behind that smile is a mama who is worried her baby won't leave the NICU.
Behind that smile is a mama who is struggling to feel like a mama because of a necessary, controlled environment.
Behind that smile is a mama who feels guilty for leaving the hospital, even if it's just to eat.
Behind that smile is a mama who is waiting for the next monitor alarm to go off.
Behind that smile is a mama who is waiting for the nurse to come in because her baby has to be put back for temperature control.
Behind that smile is a mama who is up every 2-3 hours pumping at night trying to make enough of a supply for her preemie.
Behind that smile is a mama who is balancing the NICU, home, and work, wondering how she will do it and hoping she won't fail.
In these moments, what this mama may not realize is that she needs to just know you're there, even if she doesn't text back.
In these moments, what this mama may not realize is that she just needs a warm meal delivered without her asking.
In these moments, what this mama may not realize is that she needs someone to say "I'm on my way with coffee, would you like to take a walk around the hospital with me?"
Behind that smile is a mama who is in fight or flight response, not even realizing the trauma she is experiencing.
Behind that smile is a mama who is at her strongest, while at her weakest.
Behind that smile is a mama who will walk out of the NICU one day, and still need support - even years later.
This is the face of a NICU mama.
~Justina Oldehoff, Carter’s Cause Foundation
