Breathing for Darby
August 3rd, 2022, will mark ten years since the termination of my pregnancy for medical reasons. A decade, and yet a breath away, when two days before my birthday, I said goodbye to the son that was simultaneously living and dying in my womb. We had a later abortion.
Just a few weeks prior, my husband and I were told that our first pregnancy was affected by a rare and deadly fetal anomaly in which our son’s trachea never properly formed and he would never be able to breathe. As a result of Darby’s anomaly, fluid that should have been expelled back into the womb was collecting inside his lungs and ballooning them, crushing his heart, and pressing so hard on his diaphragm that it was buckling. It wouldn’t be long until he went into heart failure. We sought second opinions, prayed for an option in fetal surgery, blinked unbelievingly at level three ultrasounds and fetal MRI imaging that demonstrated the heartbreaking reality, as disclosed to us by the experts: Darby’s case was beyond repair and the only choice we had was death, behind one of three doors. Door #1: continue the pregnancy and wait for Darby to die in the womb. Door #2: continue to term and deliver Darby brain dead. Door #3: End the pregnancy.
Our decision, our first parenting decision, was to ensure that Darby knew only love from the beginning to the end of his short life, and I could not have imagined, walking in my fuzzy socks to the operating room for my later abortion on August 3rd, 2012, how far my life would go because my son existed.
Because of my son, I refocused my career as a social worker in the field of death and dying into an area of expertise supporting birthing people who end pregnancies due to fetal anomaly. I do this as a therapist, but also now as an academic and researcher. Because of my son, I have created practice models—the only ones that currently exist—for other helping professionals working with people who have had later abortions due to fetal anomaly. Because of my son, I have authored countless publications, been welcomed by the Governor and Attorney General of Pennsylvania to fight restrictive, anti-choice legislation, have been interviewed internationally, and have made multiple connections in the political arena to ensure that people across all walks of life, seeking abortion for any reason, have access. Because of my son, I train others to advocate for the same.
Most importantly, because of my son, I am the mother of four beautiful, healthy children, during pregnancies monitored by the compassionate, wonderful obstetrician who also performed my termination. This physician is the invisible thread connecting all members of my family, and I will be eternally grateful for his role in my life.
Because of my son, and because of my abortion, my life is fuller today and has more meaning than I ever could have imagined. I grieve Darby as deeply as I love him, and I will love him forever, but I am not a broken person. The individual who emerged from the heartbreak, the wails and cries for understanding, who told herself she would never be happy again—she is here today because of Darby, not in spite of him. My abortion changed my life, and I vow to live my best life in resistance to those who are enemies of choice and would try to convince you that abortion is immoral and evil. My abortion was an act of love, my son and our family is a symbol of resistance, and I will fight for access with every breath I have—breath that my sweet son would never have had. I breathe for the two of us, ten years later, now and forever.
~Dr. Erica Goldblatt Hyatt
