A Love Letter to Grieving Mamas

Dearest Mama,

You might crave your baby and the expectations you had of what your future might look like. You don’t crave the pity-party. You might anger at the happy families who so willy-nilly can have babies. You might cherish your luck in the child/children of you have. And that might cause you to feel more of what you lost.

You might know that there is nothing you could have done differently to save this baby. But it doesn’t stop you from searching for reasons. You might know that in life, there is so much we cannot control. But you might crave this control. 

You might feel selfish for wanting more.  

You might think that “our children are not our children.”  They might come through you but not from you. You might house their bodies, but not their souls.

You might believe that the babies who do not stay, have the potential of becoming intercessors and guides for the children who are to come. 

You might lean into the symbolism. You might take these messages to bring comfort even if it feels woo-woo or crazy.  They might be reminders that there is something more, some bigger force at play.

Mama, the loss never goes away but the suffering gets softer. As we go through our worst nightmares, our darkest days, so much love is beneath it all.

May you feel all the love and support that surrounds you, seen and unseen. And know that your tears can be healing.  

                                    Love,

                                   A Mama who has Lost

~Carmen Grover